On February 8, 2010 xoxojamesanddebbie3 from wrote: SORRY IF I FREAK YOU OUT BUT I DO WALK IN MY SLEEP..I FUNCTION IN MY SLEEP..I HAVE ALWAYS HAD INSOMNIA IN ONE FORM OR ANOTHER AND THE WORSE MY STRESS GETS THE WORSE I SLEEP...JUST THE WAY I AM....DONT WORRY I PROBABLY WONT FALL OUT OF MY CHAIR...AND IF I DO I DONT HAVE FAR TO FALL :))LOL XOXO DEBBIE

On February 8, 2010 xoxojamesanddebbie3 from wrote: DON'T WORRY TONIGHT I WILL TAKE MY SLEEPING PILLS :)) NEED THEM APPARANTLY :)) XOXO DEBBIE

On February 9, 2010 2:27 am

been up for about 45 minutes......smoked a drag or two off of james cigarette.....(he has three left and then we dont want to buy anymore)
i washed my face, put some lotion and smell good lotion and spray on (for aroma therapy while i am quitting cigs), brushed my teeth, then made a pot of coffee and now here i am....waaaay to early again...but i did take my med last night 50 mg of trazadone..... so when i slept i slept solid....didnt wake up at all...and even wakeing up with the trazadone shuffle wasnt too bad this morning..........so that was nice.....i could take up to 100 mg...but i really dont like the way it pulls me down and puts me to sleep...that is why i fight takeing it so much.  Believe me to sleep until 9 am would be a treasure..but it just doesnt seem to be in the cards for me anymore....at least not until i get out from under some of the stress  i am under....and somehow i dont think it will be anytime soon....has been almost a year now since i have slept through the night until a reasonable hour :))

it's not just one thing...it's a whole myraid of them.  and to compound it i have been wakeing up with one anxiety attack after another and then haveing them all day...that is regardless of wether or not i take my valium too.  Overall the meds i take daily seem to be working the best...but then the place i get my meds for my mental health have been out of my anti depressant has been out of it for about a month now..so that is starting to take it's toll...i spent most of yesterday on the verge of tears just thinking about my son (the older one).   I called the Meds by Mail people and they said to call back Again next week.  That is why i took the trazadone last night too....it not only helps me sleep it is an anti depressant.....and i am in need of one ...so hopefully within a week or so it will start to help in that department until i get my celexa back.  I am thinking of calling my dr and asking if she can call me in a script to wal mart so i can pick it up....but getting to wal mart amd being able to breath at the same time is a whole nother issue. but then james would probably pick it up for me....he loves me and takes care of me that way.  :)))))))
 
anyway...that is enough  of that
going to head out now
peace to u!
xoxo
from a flowery debbie 

went to that convention today and james was supposed to be able to pick up our new lodge and they havent even started it yet....been 28 days since they cashed the check so they better come up with it or the money soon....james has been really bummed over it all day...bums me out to see him bummed ......

he is going back tomorrow to tell them to get it to us within a week (which is possible) or give us the money back....she said she would start on it as soon as she got home...but somehwo that isnt good enough .....why start it then when she could have before now. Her man bought her a new house for christmas so they have been moveing so she says she cant find anything .....so i wonder what will make her find it when she gets back home? lol...i guess james talking to her tomorrow :))

i found the perfect new beautiful native american hide dress there though....he bought it for me...it was on sale for $150.....i gave away my dress years ago and have been looking for another since....i saw this one and kept going back to look at it...finally decided to try it on and it fits like it was made for me..length and all...i love it....i just wish james was as happy as i am

but over all it was nice to see everybody and get the chance to talk and catch up for a bit. We were there all day basically....wandered around looked at stuff and ate a really good lunch.....i was amazed it was that good....it was sandwiches and i had noodles with it and james had chips.....jd ate off of my plate and ate really good too.....

guess that's about it for now
peace to u!
xoxo
debbie

at 1:00 we have an appointment to meet him...it is about a pre-trial hearing we have to go to next month.....all i can think of that it might be for is our sons truancy while he was a run away. It would be nice if on their notifications of that stuff if they would put little things like what the pre-trial hearing is for...but that would be to complicated i guess :)) lol

we were assigned a lawyer when we went to court last week over the custody hearing for my son. So i hope he (the lawyer) knows what the heck is going on. I hear there is a daily fine for each day he missed of school....THAT SUCKS....but we did not have custody of him so i guess my x would have to pay it...but that is what we will find out today (if i am on the right track and soemthing doesn't side swipe us out of the blue)

There is a daily fee for the foster care system he is now in too....luckily they only take my income into accountand. because they do it on a slideing scale depending on your income and i only receive ss disability i am hopeing it is not to much

and my son should now be in rehab as of now. The social services worker called and said that they would be takeing him to north in the state for it yesterday. As of now all we know is that my son volunteered for it (which is a good thing...although he didnt know what he was getting himself into when he did it.) And the minimum amount of time they can keep him is 30 days....he's not going to be a happy camper at first.....wont like being locked down at all....but i told him to have fun doing it because he had no choice may as well enjoy it and to learn whatever they had to teach him. Dont know if that went in one ear and out the other or not.

We are glad he is now in the foster care system. I told the judge last week that i thought it would be a good idea because they have the resources to do things like get him in rehab and get him a g.e.d .......besides if he had come home with us he probably would have run agian....lol..now he can't do that :))))))

i personally think it was the best option for him so i am not traumatized by it. Besides i didnt have custody ...my x did....

my x also said he has money in saveings for our son so he will pay for the fee for the foster care (my part too)....but he doesnt know about the truancy charge yet....i havent told him about that.....but thus far there isnt much to tell.


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music video by amy winehouse...."rehab"


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guess that's about it for now....listen to the song...lol..it's pretty good...i love her voice and the beat and the song :)))))))
xoxo
debbie

today we are supposed to get rain AND snow...weird ...havent seen that before i dont think :)) and the high is supposed to be 34 ....but rightnow it is 3 am and it is 34 degrees...so i guess the day isnt going to get any warmer as we go along :))))))))  James picked up groceries the other day so we are set in that department..no reason to go out of the house...so that is a good thing :))

xoxo
debbie

maaaan i thought that for sure i would sleep in today....and at the very least sleep more than 4 hours.......

this cold is makeing me tired and my mind is so much more at ease AND i took some sleepy cold medicine last night......wont do that again tonight....all it did was wear me down a little more.....dont care if the cold symptoms persist when i am asleep...just wanted to sleep more....but it is 2 am now and i have been up for two hours again already........this morning i cleaned house when i woke up......weird me....up cleaning in the middle of the night.....lol..i might be weird even if i wasnt cleaning though :))))))))

almost too tired to write.....maybe i can take a nap or two today...being tired doesnt seem to be pushing me in the direction of sleep....

*peacefully and quietly i sneak out of the room to spend some time with myself*

xoxo
debbie

ok...i laid down on the couch and actually slept for an hour...how refreshing :))
and speaking of refreshing...it snowed last night ! :)))))))))))))))))))))))))) !YAY
looks like about two inches....i love fresh snow.....and kansas seems to snow just enough for me...not to much.....and not to little......nothing like the day before the snow has been trampled....
till later :)
debbie

E was there and we got to talk to him....he is on the right track
i am extremely happy and extremely sad all at the same time

xoxo
debbie

 

yesterday my son turned himself in to the police for being a run away....haven't seen him yet...he is in a half way house shelter right now...will probably be there until july when he turns 18....go to court tomorrow at 1:00

saw my daughter (we made up..i think :) yesterday....my x-mother-in-law drove her over here to get my sons stuff...clothes mostly.  My x mother in law was pissed as hell at me...but hid it as much as she could...and stayed in the car while my daughter and i loaded it

then yesterday too we missed our naked tuesday because our second computer crapped out...so today we went and bought a new one....then had to buy a new cam too

sorry about yesterday....we would have enjoyed being on and setting the bullshit aside for awhile

xoxo
debbie

don't really feel like talking.....mostly hanging out on the inside of me.....my daughter called and bitched me out the other day about my son being run away saying i dont give a shit......i told her that was an opinion not a fact and have just been kind of funkified since......... guess that is why i am listening to music......that and we now have speakers with the new computer :)))))))) !Yay :))))))
xoxo
debbie

this song was made for the children by the women on the Trail of Tears...it is a song of hope